


To Love and to Heal

by KeyserSozin



Series: The Cutting Room Floor [2]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Heart-to-Heart, Pre-Relationship, Torch-Passing, korra alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 18:03:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11491737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeyserSozin/pseuds/KeyserSozin
Summary: After her failure in the sparring ring when Tenzin comes to visit, Korra finds herself back in Katara's healing hut.  Set during Book 4 Chapter 2.





	To Love and to Heal

The shame burned hotter than any of the blistered skin on her face or arms.

Korra lay still, submerged to her chin in the healing pool while Katara made slow, steady passes over her wounds.

"I didn't expect to see you back in here so soon after we got you up and walking."

"Can we not talk about it? It was bad enough Tenzin had to see," Korra snapped, squeezing her eyelids to keep them shut.

Katara obliged, and continued her work quietly, but Korra could sense that she'd once again been too gruff with the old woman.

"Could you... check around here?" she indicated her neck and chest with her hand. "I've been having some trouble breathing."

What she'd actually had, during the sparring match and every night when she tried to sleep, was a vision of Zaheer ripping the air out of her lungs and suffocating her, but she dare not admit it to another soul.

Katara hummed, concentrating, and Korra could feel the sensation of hands through the water, although the old woman remained kneeling by the side of the pool. The sensation moved to her neck, probing, prodding, seaching... squeezing?

Korra's eyes shot open and she flailed her arms, coughing frantically. Panic shot through her senses.

_I'M CHOKING I'M DYING STOP STOP **STOP STOP STOP**_

"You're okay, dear, you're okay! Shhhh, calm down now, you're safe. Korra, it's okay!" Katara had moved to her side and was trying to stabilize her and keep her head above the water.

Korra's breath heaved as her mind cleared. A fresh wave of humiliation washed over her. She began to cry.

"Shhh, you're okay," Katara continued to comfort her, reaching a hand into the pool to rub between her shoulder blades. "I didn't sense anything here, but it's clearly causing you distress."

Through her heaving sobs, Korra managed a question: "Did you just choke me?"

Katara's face went ashen, her expression aghast. "No dear. Oh, goodness no! Of course not. I would never hurt you, Korra."

She wrapped her arms around the Avatar's shoulders and held her until she stopped crying and her breathing evened out.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" Katara offered gently.

"No. No, I'm not ready," Korra sniffed, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands.

"Okay, dear. If it's alright, may I work on those burns a little more?" Katara's voice was soft cotton. Korra nodded her assent, her eyes still in her lap.

They worked in silence until Katara finally pronounced them finished. Korra hadn't really felt the burns, so she hardly noticed their absence. Her mind had been elsewhere, muddled in turmoil.

"When did you know that you loved Aang?" she asked abruptly, while toweling herself off.

"What was that, dear?" Katara asked, startled.

"I just wondered when you knew. You know, that you loved him and wanted to be with him," Korra shrugged.

"When I saw him fall after Azula shot him with lightning, I was so sure he was dead, and I realized I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. But I was also scared. I didn't want to get attached just to watch him die. So I don't think I let myself really love him until after he defeated Ozai. When he was able to do it on his own terms, not having to give away a part of himself in order to win... when he came back to me whole, I was sure."

Korra couldn't help but smile at the wistful look on Katara's wrinkled face. It was a small warm spot on her cold island of despair.

"Why do you ask, dear?"

"I've just been thinking a lot," Korra sighed.

"Dangerous, that."

"There isn't much else for me to do these days but think. I can walk now, and dress myself, and generally function, but I can't fight. I can't help anyone."

"You're good for more than fighting, Korra. And you can help yourself, at least."

"I'm not so sure," she slumped against a wall. "I asked because when I was in a wheelchair and couldn't do anything for myself, I was so sure no one would ever love me like that," she admitted. "I'm still not sure anyone ever will."

"Nonsense, dear. You've been in love before, haven't you?"

Korra sighed. "Yes. No. I don't know. I mean, Mako and I told each other we loved each other, and I do still love him. But not like I thought. It was never like I thought it would be."

"Young love seldom is."

"It was for you."

"I was exceptionally lucky. And I wasn't always so sure Aang was my forever and always. There were plenty of times I questioned it."

"Like what? I mean, if that's not too personal."

"What use are secrets to old people?" Katara chuckled. "Well for one, and you should be aware of this, it's very hard sometimes to be with a person who has a job as big as yours; especially when you don't know if the next time they have to leave will be the last time you ever see them."

Korra swallowed hard. The truth of it was plain, but there was no comfort in it.

"Not all of my doubts were so big, though. I'm human, same as you, same as everyone. I had quite the crush on Zuko for a time."

"You? And Lord Zuko?" Korra gasped, incredulous.

"He was Prince Zuko at the time, and later Fire Lord Zuko. What can I say? I had every reason to hate him, at least at first, and I did for some time. But he was so handsome, and mysterious. A real bad boy with a soft side. Not unlike your firebender boy."

Korra blushed. Mako's initial standoffishness and brooding angst had certainly drawn her to him, along with his dashing good looks and obvious prowess in the bending arena. She kicked herself for being so stereotypical.

"So why didn't you end up with him and not Aang?"

"Zuko had the affections of many women, so his attention was always elsewhere. But it was also just physical attraction for me. He was a good friend but I don't think he'd have been a good husband."

"And Aang was different?"

"In all the ways that mattered," Katara smiled, and for a moment looked youthful despite her age.  "Aang could always make me laugh, or at least smile. He always made me feel safe.  And he always came home."  She sighed heavily, shaking her head.  "I doubted many things, Korra, but he never let me doubt that he loved me."

"I don't know that I ever apologized to you," Korra hung her head.

"Oh, there's no need to apologize, Korra, I've had patients far testier than you."

"No, not that. Aang is... gone. All of my past lives are. I failed him.  And I failed you, too."

Katara was quiet for a long moment. Korra didn't brace; whatever was coming, word or blow, she deserved it.

"Avatar Korra, my husband has been gone for twenty years."

Katara's voice was stern, but wavered. Korra looked up, uncertain. Katara tilted her head to the side, staring down the young woman in front of her. When she finally spoke, her voice, usually so smooth and even, was thick; cracking and faltering with each word.

"You may be his reincarnation, dear, but you are not my Aang. You are the Avatar, worthy of the title whether you believe it or not, but your laughter doesn't warm my days and your arms don't warm my nights. My husband has been gone for a long, long time, and you have nothing to apologize for."

The tears flowed freely between them as Korra wrapped the old woman in a tight embrace and held her.

"Do you think I'll ever find someone that loves me the way Aang loved you?"

"Maybe you already have, dear, and you're just too blind to see it."

"What do you mean?"

"When you endure hard times, you find out who really cares about you, who wants to be there for you by your side, through thick and thin. And you, my dear, are enduring the hardest of times."  Katara looked her deep in the eyes, searching her soul.  "Is there someone who wants to be here with you, who misses you, and maybe you haven't let them in?"

_"I want you to know that I'm here for you if you ever want to talk, or anything."_

_"Are you sure you don't want some company in the Southern Water Tribe? I'm happy to come with you."_

_"Dear Korra, I miss you. It's not the same in Republic City without you. How are you feeling?"_

"I need to go. Thank you!" Korra's head was spinning, her stomach all aflutter. She hugged Katara again quickly and made for the door.

"Korra, are you alright?"

"Yes. Well, sort of. I need to write a letter."

**Author's Note:**

> "Korra Alone" is my favorite episode from either series, so I'm thrilled I was able to come up with an idea that hopefully compliments it.
> 
> I'm just getting hit over the head by the muse lately with these ideas. I never expected the creative juices to flow like this, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts. Hopefully you do too.


End file.
